May 30, 2009

* I allow my kids to have fun, may be you should try it some day.

We were at the park yesterday just as we do most evenings, but yesterday I met someone I had seen around the condo but never actually spoken to. She was down with her niece, a very talkative, active and yes a very cute 4 year old named Christin.

I decided to open a conversation with her aunt and we talked for a bit. She was the sort of aunt, most aunts would be. Strict and sadly the kind that would never allow a kid to be a kid. She didn't quite allow her niece to do anything the girl wished to do, like to swing on the monkey bar, jump onto the slide, or even to balance stand on the seesaw bar, and guess what else, she even kept telling the girl to stop talking too much. All the things I allow my kids to do. Ah, actually I even allowed my nephew and nieces to do so while at a park.

My children are really used to this park, and they have a certain style of swinging on the bar before taking a ride on the slide. I totally allow them to do so only because they have a daily experience of it, but it wasn't the case for Christin. Her aunt would sound her every time she tried to do it, and she would stop immediately at the sounding (very good girl I would say), but there came a point that this woman started to restrict my kids from doing what I have always allowed them to do at the park.

I knew she had no idea of my agreement with my children and I decided to stay silent over her sudden shocks looking at how Belle and CJ played in the play house (which honestly is the way most kids would play), but my silence broke when she decided to run after my son, who was doing the monkey swing before slide act and she shouted at him for it! She even told out so loudly to me, "This boy is very stubborn!"

Knowing me? I just sat on the park bench and told her off calmly but sarcastically, "I allow my kids to have fun in the park and they are very used to what they are doing. Do you mind watching what you say?" and she went all shocked and silent!

Yes she tried to defend her act by telling me its very dangerous, and so on but I only told her that, my kids come down here everyday and they know what they can and cannot do.

I truly appreciate her act of concern but I didn't appreciate her comments!

I am the mother of the kid she called stubborn, and I don't think anyone has the right to say that about someone else's kid to their parent's face especially when your child has not invaded that person's space.

Its really amazing when you do sit and watch the different types of parents, grandparents or aunts and uncles that bring their kids to the park. If you are the sort of parent that has a broad concept to fun unlike all the restrictions most parent put on their kids, you would certainly find it a fun time watching the many acts at a play ground.

Yesterday was just one of those days for me.

May 28, 2009

* Allowing a change

I just got back from watching 'Night at the Museum 2' with my kids and we enjoyed it very much. Funny and ridiculous but overall it was just a real good time at the movies! I got this line from Teddy Roosevelt (acted by Robin Williams) saying, "When you allow change to take place in your life, you allow yourself to experience something new."
I was really impressed by that line (yeah you would say "whats so great about it.. like I didn't already know!")
It made me look at my life in the aspect of my career.
I have often told myself I would never quit my job because I really loved what I did, and I was very adamant about it honestly. Even after having Isabelle I would always tell my husband that, my career is not something I would give up just because I'm a mother now, but my husband never said anything back to me.
After Christan was born 2 years ago, I started to look at things very differently.
Going to work and dropping off my 2 kids at a babysitter, wasn't fun at all, and all this feelings came in when I was actually doing really well at work and even the likelihood of a really good promotion, but it suddenly didn't mean anything to me when I had to leave my kids with someone else to take care and be all absorbed with work when I could do so much with them.
I then decided to quit my job and yes my husband was the happiest man on earth to hear it!
I got selected for best employee and I submitted my resignation. Believe me, working for the government with seniority bullshit, and being an Indian, that award wasn't something that came on a silver plate to me.
So I did.. I resigned and right now believe it or not, I have so much more going on for me than I would ever be able to have if I had been working.
I see the change I made benefiting my children, family and most of all myself.
This change I made has allowed so much more to come into my life, and I truly thank God for it.
I guess when you think too much about changing, you tend to be blinded by only what you may loose but never would you be encourage to think that better stuff awaits you. I didn't think of it this way when I resigned. I only thought of it for what it was at that point, and now I see the newness its brought me. Change really can bring you the opportunity for new things!
You should give it a try! (nope I didn't mean you should quit your job)

* Venting Therapy

Do you vent? Do you feel the need to vent out your heart when something or someone bothers you?? I truly admire those who don't, but sadly I do! I vent, and I can vent a lot!

Why I do it, I wish I could stop but so many things around me can easily piss me off. Character, behavior, attitude, responses, actions, you just name it. To me a certain behavior is expected in a certain situation and not to say I have made too narrow a grid, I do allow room for mistakes and foolishness but when its repeated almost too often, it pisses me off and I vent.

I vent because I need to release that irritation out of my system. I have various people I vent to about various other issues. What I vent to A isn't what I vent to B or C, and I try to always accept the advice one gives. Which often is, "Just ignore it Jen!" Its the easiest answer. I give that out to others who vent to me too when I have no idea what else to say. Ignorance is bliss, but not everything around you and everyone around you can be put on an ignore mode.

It has become a therapy for me to relax.
I vent so that I can calm down, and when you're all calmed down you will think clearer in your head.
These days when I call someone to vent to, I actually address it to them that I'm venting, or "Hey I need to vent.. are you free??" but yes its only to buddies who allow me to be their venting booth too.

Here's an advice to you if you are not a 'vent er', please don't judge those who do, we 'vent ers' really do love and care for the ones around us but we vent out in order to treat our self for peace and calmness in the mental and emotional department, and yes most 'vent ers' will vent about you to someone else, but will still display their love, care and affection to you because they believe by telling you directly what their pissed about you, would do only harm to the relationship, and who actually needs all that trouble, right?

Lastly please do not get it all mistaken for back biting and gossiping or even grumbling. Venting is nothing of that sort. A vent is much connected to emotions and care for someone that when that someone pisses you off you just need to express your pain else where so as to calm down.. It really is a Therapy!!

May 27, 2009

* Too quick to judge??

I must admit I am a sinner on this.. I judge everyone and anyone often too quickly but the reason I don't stop is because I have come to known that 3/4 of the time I am right, so much so that the wrong quarter doesn't matter anymore!

Why do I do it? Well I guess I have been the sort that wants to put everyone I meet into categories that I have preset in my life so that I would know how to or not to deal with them.
I will only know if my judgement of someone is right be it good or bad, if I make myself acquainted with the person, and so I do. I don't find it difficult to start a conversation with anyone but the ones I strike as bad often end up being the ones I find easier to talk to.
I guess that's my difference, I don't just judge, I allow some time of knowing to conclude my judgement even if its completely brief.

Am I a hypocrite? I mean if I have judged badly of them and they turned out being otherwise after knowing them, I simply knock myself in the head and say, "Hey Jen what the hell were you thinking woman!" and pay it off by being really good to that person. I am not a hypocrite! Well everyone one of us are allowed to judge others, and personally I think its important to do so, if not why on earth would such a saying "first impressions matter!" exist?

How would you know if your judging someone correctly? What if the person you are judging is in an unforeseen situation? Excuse me! There are no such thing as wrong impressions with unexpected situations. How a person behaves be it in any situation, calls for the right approach which will be interpreted or judged rightfully.

I have been told by others, how I have been judged wrongly by them. I hardly ever came across as a friendly, down to earth being unless and until one really gets to know me. So I suppose I am the sort that would fall into the my own wrong quarter of judgement. So how would I judge someone like me? Hilarious isn't it?

Just like me there are so many out there and I will always remember that as much as I judge others, others are bound to judge me too and I know they do! So watch your first impressions especially if its with someone you hope would judge you correctly! Remember also, don't fake your impressions on others. There really is no good reason to do so!

* Were you the same person??

Have you ever experience a time when you are out with your girl friends and a good looking guy passes by your table and all of a sudden a certain someone in your circle of girls suddenly behaves differently??

A sudden adjustment of posture, adjustment of facial expressions, a sudden prim and proper table manners, and sometimes a sudden increase in the volume of her voice? or even a sudden drift of eye contact where they don't look at you when they talk but look behind you???

I am sure you have! Doesn't that piss you off??

It pisses me off really badly and I mean really badly!!

What the heck was that transformation for?? To attract the bloody bloke that passed by or probably is sitting by the next table??
Why do you think that by your sudden change of skin you would probably win a date or is it just some cheap thrill you enjoy and it makes your day??

Have these people ever once considered how others would think about their sudden metamorphosis and find them to be so uncomfortable to be with?? less to finish that dinner or date actually planned for just you and the girls??

I think most girls are aware of who's looking at them and who's not!

Yes, everyone has eyes to look but when you do make yourself to be so obviously bothered about wanting to have others look more at you may be you should always practise being prim and proper and everything that you are not, so that it won't be obvious anymore and your friends won't have to deal with your sickening change!

* Lets do some EGO Talking!

Are you an Egoistic person? Really??
Are you sure about that??

Well many would never admit the fact that they are, but I do!
I even have a measurement for it!

Its bigger than my butt!

Now that's really a big EGO!

As much as I wish it wasn't, I certainly must say that my ego is something that sprouts out when I am made to feel little and insignificant or stupid and foolish by someone I have a major disregard for!

Yes there are many people I have completely no regards for, but still have acquaintances with. I admit I am the sort that sticks on for old time sake, and would live by the saying "let bygones be bygones" but when these very same people acts holier than thou with me, I will just burst back with sarcasm and yes my ego!

Now I know its mean but its the truth, and to those who have experienced it from me, deal with it, OK!

To those I truly love.. my EGO won't come in the way to hurt you! and you certainly know who you are in my life!!

* Would I dress n doll up in my 40s??

Dressing up is really my thing!

I love to look good and seriously I go all out to doing so when Im excited of the place and people Im going to meet. Athough I must say when I do go back home.. (my in laws or my brother's place) I don't really care to dress up because its HOME!!

Just the other day I asked my sister if I would still dress up as I do now when I turn 40 which is in another 8 years time!! And her answer was "WHY NOT?"

Why not I dress the same way? Or even better?? Should my aging be a reason to dress down?? Should I not dress and doll up just because I'm 40.

Most Indian mothers, who have grown daughters often think like that.

My mum, on the contrary, she was gorgeous and she dressed up really well but she had certain rules such as not to wear Punjabi Suites because her daughters wore those suits too. So she didn't want to be dressing in the same styles as us, and I guess thats fair!

So when Im 40.. obviously I won't be interested in wearing several stuff I do now.. but I certainly won't clash my style with that of my daughter's, but I will and most definately DOLL UP no matter how OLD I get.. because I love it!

Every woman young or old, has the right to look good!!!
Its our birth given rights so use it to its fullest!!!

* Different Phases, Different People, Different YOU?

I have journeyed a total of 6 phases so far..

Being a daughter, a sister, a student, an employee, a wife and now a mother and that too currently a stay home mum to my 2 brats I call angels, Isabelle Maria and Christan James.

Along this phases I have come across a wide range of characters. Some warm and lovely the sort you would love to keep close to you, who gave you a sense of understanding and a sense of meaning or purpose. Some were strange, so strange you just don't want to have anything to do with such people.

How do all these people play a role in your life?

Right now at this point of my life.. I have discovered that no matter who you meet and how you feel about them, you too stand at the same point of being judged by someone else who meets you in their phase of life.

Strange or warm you cannot have a balance without both, but it is still your choice to decide who you care to have around you.
As you move from one phase to another, you will experience growth in your emotions, your feelings; your maturity and wisdom all takes a new level of approach towards your surroundings.

Therefore, no matter who you meet in all this different phases, they all play a significant role towards the betterment of yourself. I believe both the good and the bad gives a balance to your growth, your perspective to the world around you.

You exist only because you have allowed yourself to experience both sides of the coin and you are the side that you choose to be!

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