Mar 2, 2010

* We're in this together!

This is the 2nd part to my last post on 'Sparing the rod, spoiling the child'.

When it comes to disciplining a child, it's not the job of just one parent, but both, and I'm sure most of you would agree with it.

It serves no purpose if one parent is telling the child to stop jumping on the bed, and the other sounds the spouse instead of being strict on the matter as well. Even if you have an objection to how your spouse is handling the act of disciplining, do not object in front of the child. You give the kid the sense that he can get away with anything because you are there to support him.

If you feel he is hurting too much, play the role of the parent who consoles the kid and makes him understand why, without taking his side or condemning the other parent.

Even when you have an aunt, uncle or grandparents that come in the way while you are correcting your child, these sort of people need to be told not to interfere!

It would be best if they minded their own business or be of help and tell the child that "mummy/daddy is upset and you should behave yourself better OK!" Don't allow them to take the Martyrs' role while you are trying to make a point to your kid. These relatives can make you look like a dragon at times, when all you are doing is just being a parent.

This goes too when dealing with teenagers or even young adults.

It's very common that when one parent says NO, the other instead of discussing with the spouse will jump in and over right the rule which is fine, but never do so in front of the child.

It not only allows them to think you are there for buffering, but it makes them look down on the parent in the sense of authority.

I know many wives who condemn their husband to their kids, and some form a gang against the father, because the father is one who says NO to many or almost everything.

Older children gossiping with one parent about the other, and the parent part-taking in this gossiping and complaining session, instead of working things out in making them stop and understanding the rule of respect.

I am still a very young parent, and I certainly hope I don't make these very same mistakes, although now I consciously make sure I don't. My husband and I have this deal that even if we are not happy with the way we react to our children's mistake, we will not correct each other in front of them, but discuss it in private and correct if at all any mistakes, after that.

At the end of the day, we really just have to be in this together to make it work right!

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