Feb 1, 2013

THE 2013 BANG!

2013 for me most definitely came with a BANG! 
No not because the Mayans were wrong with their prediction.
This bang was a BANG in MY HEAD and MY HEART!

I lost my most dearest brother Richard to a sudden and unexpected death.
I never thought I would see him be put to rest so soon.
Never thought I would have to do it at this age!
In plain honesty, I never thought about death amongst my siblings!
I never thought after putting my mum to rest 10 years ago and my dad 14 years ago, I would have to encounter another great loss this soon!
I never even thought any other death besides the death of my parents could grieve me so deeply until I was proven wrong last 17th of Dec when I heard the words - I'M SORRY, WE REALLY TRIED OUR BEST - from the German Doctor! 
Bottom line - the death of someone you sincerely love but most of all who sincerely loved you will kill you - full stop! I learnt that. You feel it more when you know you have lost forever the person who loved you with all their heart and never failed to say and show you so.   

Richard may have been away for so long (in my maths 10 years exactly) but he remained close to me through his emails and messages on the mobile. When I opened a Facebook account back in 2008, I remember I invited him to join. He was my 2nd FB Friend and that was seriously the best thing, as I got to see and experience his life there in Germany, Miami and France through the photos he posted.
Finally in 2011, when I decided to buy the one best thing I ever bought for myself - my iPhone! (of course this wouldn’t have been possible if my dearest husband did not graciously fund it for me) I felt my brother was just a swipe away.. I didn’t feel the geographical distance between us anymore.. at heart, there wasn’t an issue, he was always close to mine, but this device and its apps which without a doubt was motivated by him to purchase, was the opened door that allowed me to reach him not just in text and photos but in video chatting. I really enjoyed all his Whatsapp messages which he would send so frequently and even more persistently while he is out on his field trips and ship building projects.. Photos of his visits around Germany/Europe and the historic significance which he proudly would elaborate in his messages were simply amazing and I looked forward to all his FaceTime calls every Sunday afternoons when he would show me what he was going to cook for lunch over there as well as to see what the babies in my house were up to. That iPhone and the Mac Book he gave me were the 2 things that kept me only a dial and a click away from him.

But before all the technology came to light, he was the brother I looked up since the time I could remember my memories. He is the eldest of us 4, and he was my saviour! I know how often I used to get into trouble with my mum for falling into the drain while my Acha was busy at work down at the company store. I used to get the whacking of my life from Mummy, but if Richard was at home, he always saved my butt!

When it came to tooth extractions, my dad was the self made dentist. Can you imagine, they used to tell me they were going to tie a thread around my teeth and the other end to the door knob and the tooth would fling out at the slamming of that door? Well thank God they didn’t do that, but the first end of the thread did go around my tooth and Richard always comforted me, hugged me and bought me ice cream right after.

Being the electrical electronics engineer, he loved gadgets even back then.. just to name a few amongst the many - I got my first Monkey and Nuts Game and Watch from him when I was 8years old. Followed by an trendy looking sony stereo walkman. Then came all the watches which he used to grace me with, bought from all the countries he had visited from his sailing trips, that was fantastic.  Even much earlier than that, I enjoyed his reading to me of the National Geographic Magazines and Reader’s Digest he invested in monthly, showing me the pictures of all the weird things around the world as he open both my eyes and mind to what was out there.. out of that Berkeley Garden where we lived in then. He showed me how to make a radio, he thought me how to write the number 8 the right way, treated me to my first experience of Japanese Food in Bangsar Shopping Center when I was 15, gave us the experience of Laser Discs and video cameras, snapped all the wonderful memories into photographs for us to have as a family, and he always wiped away my tears and laughed the strongest laughs with me. He also always gave his ear and heart to my thoughts and ideas and praised me for my achievements and accomplishments. The one thing I will always and strongly remember him for was his believe that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!! 

I miss him terribly! 
I miss his stories, his jokes, his “Oi”s and his entire being!

Most of all, I will miss his wonderful and admirable nature of seeing the beauty in the most nitty gritty of things.. He admired beauty, beauty in people - children especially (and this is a trait both he and his wife Luz and his kids especially John and Kat all had), beauty in nature, and most of all in architecture.
I have never had anyone admire the specifics in my kids, the way he did, the same admiration he had given me as a kid right till our last chat when he told me how proud he was of me. 
How he admired and praised every bit of our specialness was simply astounding. 

He was truly an amazing man.. a human with mistakes and faults just like others, but one that had much goodness that overrules to be like non other. Isn’t that what makes a balance in one’s life? Even the moon has a dark side but like the moon he never failed to shine his light when it was expected of him.

He always believed that it was important to leave this world with a BANG!
With an impact!
With the believe that no one could have done it better than you. 
Alexander the great died with open hands to say he conquered the world, but he leaves with nothing. 
I see Richard in that same light.. only I don’t see him leaving with nothing, he left taking our hearts with him.

I love him and will always love him.. and I am thankful to God for a brother like him - a true blessing he certainly was. He will always be in my heart, and I will live with the will and strength he has showed me, the same will and strength our parents showed us - that nothing is impossible if you only just believed in yourself.



RICHARD FERNANDEZ
13th Dec 1963- 17th Dec 2012
A great brother and friend!

Eternal rest grant unto him Oh Lord, and let Thy perpetual light shine upon him, may his soul rest in peace..AMEN!!!

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